Personal Musings

The thing about growing older

cool

Well, I haven’t written here in months. Oftentimes, when I come across blogs of other people, I would always wonder why some of them couldn’t keep it updated. But I guess for some people who are only keeping a blog as a sort of online journal (like me), there is little to catch up compared to other sites, for instant fashion blog site or food blog site. Most people think that in college, you’re kind of free because you have better control of your time. I used to think this way too. I actually thought that I can fill this space in with a lot of things as compared to when I was in high school. It did not happen that way. It’s not really college that’s the block, or the tight schedule when you’re in a thesis term. I think it has more to do with growing older.

Each day, I wake up with an already-set schedule of classes to attend and to-do’s to accomplish. The only chill time I get is the period after my last class and before dinner until I have to do things for school again. The only time I actually get rebellious from my set schedule is when I sneak in two episodes of one of the shows I am watching despite having a ton of assignments and requirements to finish. Right now, the happiest I can get is when I actually go out for dinner with friends even if it’s just one opportunity per week. And the thing is, it does not bother me as much anymore. When I was in first year college, 18 years old and in a constant search for adventure, I will be out of the house as often as I want to. These days, I cherish the times I can just stay at home the whole day without doing anything or stressing over yet another school stuff.

It’s weird, really, that the things that used to matter to me a lot before started to become a sort of memory from my youth. These days, I’d remember something that my best friend and I used to fight about in high school, then I will internally cringe because it was that embarrassing and shallow. I would look at old pictures and wonder about the people I used to talk with every single day, and now I have not even seen them in years. Even if I want to catch up, the idea of having to tell years’ worth of story makes it a bit difficult. When there’s a chance, there’s not just a lot to talk about other than the current issues, or maybe the weather, or maybe old stories about friends I barely remember.

At 16 years old, we all probably have this notion that we can do just about anything we want to. At 18, most probably a number of people are grabbing as many chance as they can get to enjoy the moments before they will officially cross the line over to the “adult” life. Then, at 20, if you’re like me–walking through life almost always worrying about tomorrow–you’ll probably have one of the moments when you’re walking on a busy street and then it will suddenly hit you that so much has been happening around you and you never even noticed it. In those rare moments, I stop and I actually look around. I try to see if I can find a story in those little interactions and in those small smiles and the way the sun falls on the faces of people. I try to see if I can find something that I can bring here in this blog that held so much stories about a lot of people.

The thing about growing older is that you pay attention less because you’re probably caught up in the practical things that needs your attention. There’s nothing wrong with that, and the world will keep moving and it will not stop having people trying to mark something worthwhile in it–maybe you’re one of those people, too. But when you do get a chance to notice, do spend a few minutes just looking around no matter where you are. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll also find a story that can inspire you for rest of your day.

JYCMNRQ x

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